@courtneyno: The light above my desk is going out. I feel like I've been at a really boring rave for the last 7 hours.
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@MsSugar_Kisses: If she's freaking out, kiss her forehead, hug her & call her beautiful.. If she growls, throw chocolate at her from a safe place
@daemonic3: [on phone] "Press 1 if you're a huge nerd" "Press 2 if you're a virgin" "Press 3 if y-" STOP TALKING, DAD! I'm trying to call Xbox support
@Cheeseboy22: Just started a new exercise program where I put on a gorilla mask and chase a random toddler through Costco.
@iwearaonesie: Apparently when your wife asks you to get your toddler off your bed she doesn't mean knock him off with a pillow