@LOsepyan: The light at the end of the tunnel better be a damn computer screen
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@bencoffeehall: I joined a Cold War reenactment group. We just sit around and act nervous about the USSR.
@sip_at_home_mom: My toddler punched me in the eye, then made me kiss his hand, 'cause his fist hurt. And he'll hear about it every Mother's Day until I die.
@TheTweetOfGod: People who call the Bible a fairy tale forget that in fairy tales everyone lives happily ever after.