@NasriAtallah: The little-known fourth major monotheistic religion...
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@KKAlThani: I pretend I'm on the phone when entering a barbershop & say "I stabbed him only cause I hate small talk " so he doesn't try to talk to me.
@Reverend_Scott: Don't forget to sacrifice your own personal goals to live up to someone else's expectations today!
@qwertying: I spent the entire day throwing darts at a picture of my wife. *wife phones* Wife: What you doing? Husband: Missing you.
@McGrumpenstein: Romeo: ...arise fair sun, and kill the envious moon *Romeo slides an envelope of money over* Romeo: *whispers* make it look like an accident