@ArianFoster: The Little Mermaid was a hoarder.
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@roostermustache: Kid: help my cat's stuck in a tree can you save him Me: of course little girl *throws bible at cat* do you accept jesus as your lord
@whereami18: My 12 wakes up, showers, changes into another pair of PJ's and starts playing PS4. He has no idea how jealous I am.
@HairyJew4Life: Why would you stay friends with an ex-girlfriend? When you get fired from a job, you don't stay around and watch other people do your job.
@Fred_Delicious: BREAKING: Pot calls kettle "black". "Racial tension at boiling point" says mayor of kitchen cupboard