@realHamOnWry: The local sperm bank now has a quick serve location with a drive-thru window. It's called Jack-It-In-The-Box.
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@baycontaco: Smartphones don't prevent people from feeling alive and getting in touch with nature. I just walked into a tree.
@SCbchbum: I never wanted to hug someone as badly as the little old man who just ordered a "small coffee flavored coffee" in Starbucks.
@djdarrellripley: It's true. Parents that use drugs, have kids that use drugs. So, there's an important lesson here... Don't have kids.