@realHamOnWry: The local sperm bank now has a quick serve location with a drive-thru window. It's called Jack-It-In-The-Box.
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@ohthatbadger: 30% of Satan's workday is responding to accidental summonings caused by predictive typing.
@DomBorrett: Making jokes on Twitter is a lot like making jokes in real life. Except without the frightened faces of strangers on buses
@SteveSuckington: "You can have sex with my sister over my dead body" "Umm, I appreciate the weird offer, but I'm just gonna do it in my car"