@JaggedLandon: The Lord moves in mysterious ways but you don’t have to. Please use your blinker.
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@HomeProbably: My girlfriend said I never do anything to help so I hid her phone. I'll prove her wrong when I find it.
@PaperWash: Read an article that said Google is making us dumber. whatever, I've always used Google and I'm super [googles synonym for smart] able.
@weenbeans: will you marry me? "OMG YES! I love you!!!" *imagines typing only 4 characters for 'wife' instead of 'girlfriend' on Twitter* I love you too
@AmishPornStar1: Of course morning sex is better. You haven't spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.