@Token_Geezer: The loudest noise a child can make from another room is silence
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@foxnerdrn: If he doesn't sleep with a life-sized replica of you made of human hair and deli meats, he's not as into you as I am.
@inmybox07: Whoever designated mini cupcakes as "two-bite" has greatly underestimated my #cupcake eating abilities.
@1evilidiot: [couples therapy] "Have you tried sexy lingerie?" me: yeah but it just creeps her out.