@Smethanie: The Macarena began playing through the dental office speakers as I lied helpless with the hygienist's hands in my mouth today. #survivor
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@dubstep4dads: if you watch the titanic backwards hundreds of disgusting sea zombies come together as a community and rebuild an old ship
@grimpossible: "Hey son, we really love you but we posted a picture of you on Instagram and nobody liked it which is why we're giving you up for adoption."
@Mr_Kapowski: [gently brushes your hair out of your face] "You're gonna be so pissed when you wake up and see your haircut," I whisper