@Breadery: The Macarena is pretty menacing if you do it in silence in the queue at the bank.
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@House_Feminist: Hey girl are you a new high efficiency dishwasher because you're so quiet it's hard to tell if you're turned on
@Travis_Lemire: Oh, you lost your phone and it's on silent? That's too bad. If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it.
@rudy_mustang: Genie: you have three wishes Me: ok i wish "three" meant 1000 Genie: it's done. you have two wishes left Me: wait i wish "two" meant 1000
@michaelianblack: Common courtesy: don't bring McDonalds French fries on the plane unless you bring enough for everybody.