@junejuly12: The main difference between kids and dogs is that kids grow out of following you to the bathroom
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@robdelaney: My uncle was found dead in his office last night by cleaning staff. I'm glad because he wore Crocs to my wedding in 2006.
@Douchekevin: I eat the free samples at Costco for lunch every day. I'm adding 'enjoys eating out' to my dating profile.
@3sunzzz: Who is that walking up my driveway?! Anxiety in 3...2...1... [knock, knock] *sigh* "WAIT A SECOND!" *mumbles* "I need to find pants."