@junejuly12: The main difference between kids and dogs is that kids grow out of following you to the bathroom
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@david8hughes: Son: what will happen when I die? Me [lowers newspaper]: there'll be a lot of left over sandwiches & then we'll turn your room into a gym
@SequelsWeWant: Back to the Future IV: Marty Mcfly stops being obsessed with his own family and goes back in time to kill Hitler.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What's the first step of fire safety? 4-year-old: Stay away from dragons. Me: 4: Me: Well, obviously.
@AsgardianRose: I just overheard a woman tell her son "We don't lick other people, it's gross" and now I'm reevaluating so many choices I've made.