@MrsMikePatton: The main reason I got divorced is because I got married.
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@chopper4jk: If she ever says: What did you just say!? I recommend an immediate heart attack and let the paramedics carry you out of the room.
@WildeThingy: I used to think alcohol silenced the voices in my head until I realised it had just moved them to my mouth.
@PaulyPeligroso: This pumpkin spice toilet paper seems unnecessary, but I'll taste it nonetheless.
@aka_fatman: Dog Morpheus: Ok, Dog Neo. You take the grey pill, you wake up in your kennel. But if you take the GREY pill - I will show you the Matrix.