@NotThatKristi: The main reason I got married is that I really hate driving..
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@flashember: "Alex is visiting later tonight." Alex from work or Alex the astronaut with amazing hearing? [From the moon] It's not me, Thelma. Hi Bob.
@Mikecanrant: Make sure that nobody ever invades your personal space by constantly hula hooping wherever you go.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Dear parents of college students on Spring Break, Congrats!!! Many of you are about to be grandparents!!!