@AmberDonn: The main reason I lost my virginity was to ensure I wouldn't be sacrificed anytime soon.
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@XLCadillac: [job interview] “Why should I hire you?” “Because I have pictures of you with a goat?”
@Lazer_Cat_: The Terminator would have been better if they'd cast Jim Parsons. "Bazinga" is so much better than "I'll be back."
@respected_loner: i hate when the news guys say "our nation's capital". stop jerking us around and tell us what city it is