@The_JRM: The main reason I tell my daughter that beauty is on the inside is because I'm in charge of her ponytail in the mornings.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: good cop: we've located the explosives cop who loves eminem: now this looks like a bomb to me so everybody / stay calm for me
@ddsmidt: On the box it said "do not put your tongue on battery." I would never put my tongue on a battery. Although. I kinda want to now.
@GingerHotDish: Not to brag, but I’m easily the hottest person in a Waffle House bathroom stall at any given moment in Georgia.