@The_JRM: The main reason I tell my daughter that beauty is on the inside is because I'm in charge of her ponytail in the mornings.
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@TheHyyyype: waiter: i'm sorry sir, but your card has been declined me: run it again waiter: i ran it three times me: *to my date* omg this is so embarrassing. do you mind taking care of it? her: no problem! *grabs waiter by the collar and pulls him close* he said run it again
@DanMentos: Fun Prank: put a live turtle and a tiny pair of nunchucks in your toilet before your guests arrive
@kelkulus: The Garden of Eden must have been one exciting place if the most tempting things were apples.