@Sickayduh: The mall crowd parts as I shuffle through after waking up naked on the food court floor. "Too pudgy to be a terminator" says one woman.
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@mjkspeaks: [on phone with attorney] HIM: you're being charged for murder. ME: damn that sounds expensive i guess you can just put it on my Amex
@Nikkeya08: My husband just got to level three on netflix: "faking an illness" to finish binge watching I'm on level 6: "faking your own abduction"
@IamEnidColeslaw: ALL THE JADED LADIES all the jaded ladies ALL THE JADED LADIES all the jaded ladies