@omgthatspunny: The man who fell into an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
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@WilliamAder: When it's "buy one, get one free," I have them put the free one in a separate bag so I don't get them mixed up.
@AntoKenya: A Couple of underscores is to a couple of underscores? Ok. RT @McDonalds: #ShamrockShake is to spring as _____ is to _______.
@Midgetspar: Just built a kite that'll hold my cat. Figured if a mouse helped discover electricity then my cat & I should be able to unlock time travel.
@1InTheStinker: I couldn't find the thingy that peels the carrots and potatoes, so I asked the kids if they'd seen it Apparently, she left me a few days ago