@omgthatspunny: The man who fell into an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@gogglepossum: Date: wow you are dressed to kill tonight! [Me in full medieval armour] a knight never takes a life unless he has to Janice
@Jeffwni: Wife: There's a spider in the kids' bedroom Me: I'll take care of it *raises spider like one of my own* *has a little cry when it graduates*
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: I played this as a kid. It's from back when video games made sense 6-year-old: Why did you jump on a turtle? Me: Because I'm a plumber
@TravLeBlanc: I'm a failure as a sociopath. I'm just not very good at manipulating and taking advantage of people. I'm more of a so-sopath.