@1Bad_Scientist: The Martian, 2015: Matt Damon tries to prove how Irish he is by growing potatoes on Mars then leaving because he's hungry.
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@LosLos__: •phone call• Wife: Want a free couch? Me: Free? Yes! Wife: How do we pick it up? Me: Lift with your legs, not your back. Wife: *click*
@iamburtjarvis: [starbucks] me: can i take some wifi home with me? barista: um. sure(?) me: [holds tupperware container in the air & closes lid] thanks.
@PaulyPeligroso: If you put on BBC news and told me it was Downton Abbey, I'd watch for like 20 min before I asked "For real, tho?"