@Kyle_Lippert: The masseuse asked if I wanted her to finish me, I said yes & then she ripped my spine out & said "Flawless Victory!"
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@verycozy: Im sorry, but you only have two weeks to live *slides the doctor a five dollar bill* Ooooh make that 3 weeks buddy *winks at loved ones*
@Cheeseboy22: Apparently my 6yo old son went to school with a Spiderman costume under his clothes. The students of Edison Elementary are safe today.
@aligarchy: *hand touches hot stove* BRAIN: GET IT OFF NOW NOW *mouth eats hot food* BRAIN: CHEW FASTER. JUGGLE IT WITH YOUR TONGUE. DON'T BE A QUITTER
@Xoolun: Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I'm now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.