@TheTalkingPipe: The milk in my fridge went bad. It beat up my orange juice and started selling meth to all the condiments.
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@NervousJr: Snow White is my favorite Disney movie about a man trying to hook up with a woman who just wants to sleep.
@stevevsninjas: Me: I'm super nervous about this. Bungee Jump Operator: Don't overthink it. Just do it. Me: ok *I punch him in the face and run like hell*