@TheTweetOfGod: The more I learn about Myself the more atheist I become.
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@sixfootcandy: Me: Christmas is nothing but corporate greed! Mom: Would you like some more gold leaf sugar sprinkled on your cocoa? Me: Yes please.
@aka_fatman: "I tell you, this car runs like a dream!" I change gears and the gearstick turns into a swan. I turn on the wipers & it rains on the inside.
@kumailn: What a weird thing that a Presidential candidate is like "I tried to stab my friend" & his opponents are like "no you didn't."