@TheTweetOfGod: The more I learn about Myself the more atheist I become.
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@anjadrisch: I can't remember where I parked my car an hour ago but I can recall how stupid I was at 20. Please God erase that memory & bring back my car
@markhoppus: Gonna replace my friends' hand sanitizer with lube and watch them rub their hands together for an hour while it doesn't evaporate.
@JohnLyonTweets: One advantage of adulthood is how easy it is to force my way to the front of the line at the ice cream truck.