@hero_ofthenight: The more laundry I do, the less nudists seem crazy to me.
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@BurgerKing: IF UR DATING SOMEONE AND THEY GIVE YOU GOOSEBUMPS BUT THEY DON’T GIVE YOU FRIES WHY ARE YOU TOGETHER?
@Urfavgoodboy: You wanna take this outside bro? You sure bro? It's awfully chilly bro. Hold on bro, let me grab my scarf.
@ibid78: Rookie cop: "But sir, why would man's laughter be a crime?" Chief: "ffs kid, it's one word. Manslaughter."
@VelouriaDaze: *walks into lift* Guy: going down? Me: I'll need a first date for that. *silence* *doors open* Dammit Twitter!