@ieatanddrink: The more you learn about Ebola, the more terrifying it is
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@ItsAndyRyan: PIG: "I'm paranoid everyone's trying to turn me into bacon" PSYCHIATRIST: "I'll cure you" PIG: "Oh God, not you too"
@ErrenMichaels: Dog: Whatcha doing? Me: Shaving my legs. Dog: Why? Me: So that I'm not covered in... Dog: Not covered in what, Erren? NOT COVERED IN WHAT?