@SaraThomas84: The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
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@RandiLawson: Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones
@RadOrDie: I gave my friend a gluestick instead of chapstick last weekend and she's still not talking to me.
@Dani_Feld: The right response to "I'm a bit tied up at the moment" isn't "what are you wearing?" Apparently.
@dance_blessed: Dear car commercials, You probably don't mean to scare me but "German engineering" is also why I don't have so many cousins today.