@XplodingUnicorn: The most disappointing moment of my adult life was when I found out a vaporizer is an e-cigarette and not a death ray that vaporizes people.
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@fuzzlime: *finally gets comfortable with you* *starts whispering in your ear* "oooo baby I can recite all my phobias in alpha order"
@bourgeoisalien: pretty jealous of bears. they're like, "well, just ate my entire weight in salmon, now I'm gonna sleep for 6 months. smell ya later, hater"
@verycozy: Im sorry, but you only have two weeks to live *slides the doctor a five dollar bill* Ooooh make that 3 weeks buddy *winks at loved ones*