@XplodingUnicorn: The most disappointing moment of my adult life was when I found out a vaporizer is an e-cigarette and not a death ray that vaporizes people.
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@wickedsuga: I am an expert at making balloon animals. May I interest you in a hyphen or a pickle?
@djdarrellripley: Jehovah's Witness': Have you given any thought to the afterlife? Me: Depends, are you two gonna be there? J.W: Why yes.. [slams the door]
@peb671: Untied the bun in my hair & tried that sexy hair shake thing that chicks do on tv. Doc says the neck brace can come off in a week.