@XplodingUnicorn: The most disappointing moment of my adult life was when I found out a vaporizer is an e-cigarette and not a death ray that vaporizes people.
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@FlipPrincesss: Who gets the job of writing the fortunes in the cookies? I want that job. I could really screw with some people.
@Oshungurl: Politics isn't confusing. You have a choice of being screwed by one of two gorillas and one is considerate enough to use lube. Now choose.
@Supafunkadunka: My daughter said she needs a bag of Skittles for a class project. Starting to get suspicious.
@KalvinMacleod: CASHIER: would you like to donate one dollar to charity? ME: no thank you SATAN (sitting on a throne made of human skulls): excellent choice