@WritingWilkie: The most embarrassing moment of my life was when I called my teacher "mom" during sex.
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@Chyld: Dear North Carolina, if you let guys marry each other, you'll have more available women in your family to date!
@tastefactory: Manager: Your fired Me: *You're Manager: How did you know I spelled it wrong if I spoke it out loud Me: How did you know I corrected you
@NYC_Blonde: There should be an option on travel websites that let's you search for "flights that are least likely to have noisy children".
@: The doctor says I'm depressed because I don't have enough iron in my diet so I've started nibbling on the gun in my mouth.