@WritingWilkie: The most embarrassing moment of my life was when I called my teacher "mom" during sex.
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@LaniBeno: I don't understand what you mean by 'stop drinking so much'. How else will you know how much I love you at 2am every day?
@danjan13: Pancake in Spanish is panqueque, which translates back into English as *does raise the roof motion* bread whaaaat whaaaat
@therealeatwood: [International Criminal Court] ME: All I said was ‘The Princess Bride’ was good, not great JUDGE: Beat him to death with Hitler’s bones
@KentWGraham: Why do doctor's offices take your blood pressure AFTER weighing you? Of course it's going to be high then.