@Jesssicle: The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it's not in my way.
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@weinerdog4life: How to make friends: Put your clothes on backwards so people don't notice you walking up to them.
@DonQuickoats: The best way to respond to a limp handshake is to tickle their palm with your middle finger
@recoveringbapti: Be on the lookout for a armed psychic midget who just robbed a bank and got away....the police now have a SMALL MEDIUM at LARGE!! ba dum dum
@StillJessLS: Damn you Jehovah's, suckered me in to opening my door. Sure,I'll read your literature, while you read my twitter. We'll see who converts who