@Jesssicle: The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it's not in my way.
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@kashmir_lover1: Autocorrect changed Friend to Fiend but sleeping with a Fiend with Benefits is actually a little more exhilarating
@ch000ch: me: wtf how am i getting life in prison for running over an eagle with my car my lawyer: again, that was the Philadelphia Eagles mascot
@NotthatAdamWest: Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger's engagement proves that not only is love blind, it's also deaf.
@bfrosty04: I just got smiled at by a lovely cashier who has plenty of teeth, but clearly only brushes her favorites.