@carlyken: The most important lesson I learned from watching The Muppet Show is when cooking meth always test your product on the drummer of the band
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@MikeCanRant: Hi yes, I'd like the cheeseburger "How would you like that cooked?" *gets right up in waitresses face* With frickin fire, obviously
@yeetztweetz: this may be controversial to some of you, but ratatouille would demolish stuart little in a fight and it wouldn't even be close
@joe_binkley: (Standing next to pool with a golf club and horse) Friends: Are you sure you've played water polo before?
@Orchidano: Big day! I've decided to forgive the woman who told me I looked tired at a party three years ago.