@Brianhopecomedy: The most stressful part of my day is when my 5 year old shows me what he made in Arts & Crafts and I have to guess what it is.
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@KeetPotato: leonardo dicaprio would have won 8 oscars by now if he was named after one of the cooler turtles
@usermcuserface: My throat hurts, so I better keep swallowing 50 times a minute to make sure it still hurts.
@GrantTanaka: I keep a knife in my Bible so if someone wants to kill me, I ask to read it & when I get to the 6th Commandment, I stab them in the face.