@juskewitch: The most troubling examples of sexism, homophobia and racism that I've ever heard are things I've said driving on the New Jersey Turnpike.
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@LilBlueBlood: Every time I forget to feed my cat, I thank god that I wasn't a teen mom. Because that child would not be OK today.
@buhsbaby_baby: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because you saw me eating that cupcake with no hands and you want my autograph?
@Illiter8: Oh, you thought my hair twirling was flirting? Actually, it was just me checking for split ends because you were boring the shit out of me.
@JanelSantaCruz: "What about flying rats with no poop muscles and scissors for mouths?" - God creating birds