@TDeeRock: The most underused drug is birth control pills.
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@jngraphs: *Writes a song for you* *Sings it under your bedroom window* *You call the cops* *Your husband falls in love with me*
@Aspersioncast: What sort of tape measure does the guy from The Guinness Book of Records use to measure the worlds longest tape measure?
@Mostly_Cheese: [diner] Waitress: What’ll it be? Me: (doing connect-the-dots in the kids menu) A giraffe, I think.