@man_spach: The most useful lesson I learned from my cat is if somebody puts clothing on you, just freeze and flop over on your side.
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@XplodingUnicorn: I was working in the yard. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a snake. I hit it with a shovel. I'm happy to report the garden hose is dead
@jacquelinehey: Joe: Okay so we sneak in one night around February, steal his shoes Obama: Joe Joe: And then dump legos all over the floor
@daemonic3: FRIEND: Make sure you walk her to her car [hours later after date] HER: It's been 18 miles ME: I insist HER: But you drove both of us
@justabloodygame: "I didn't choose the thug life." I explain, entering an institution of higher learning.