@TheMichaelRock: The movie Noah would be more entertaining if it was combined with Sharknado.
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@arealliveghost: my computer is organized exactly like my brain, which is to say that I just found a photo of a baby weasel alone in a folder called "good"
@thenatewolf: HER: it's so romantic when the power goes out ME: listen if we don't eat all this ground beef we'll have to throw it out
@SardonicTart: Him: *hands me glass of clear liquid* Is this glass half full or half empty? Me: Is that water or vodka? Him: Vodka. Me: Empty.
@dyldonot: [first date] me: don't let her know you vocalise everything you think her: what? me: shit she knows