@david8hughes: The movie 'Up' is utter bullshit. I tied 57,000 balloons to my house & my wife didn't die.
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@amydillon: [concert] SINGER: How's everyone feeling tonight??? ME: Whooo, kind of stressed, I'm in standoff with my HOA regarding lawn ornamentation!!!
@randomnloveit: Dear people that brush your teeth in the bathroom at work: stop that. You don't live here. Chew gum like the rest of us.
@AbbieEvansXO: GHOST TEEN: [sneaks back in at 2am] GHOST MUM: [waiting up 4 him] you're busted! GHOST DAD: Jesus Karen ground him don't BUST him holy shit