@TheAlexNevil: The Mrs recognizes my "tell" when I've seen an attractive woman: my eyes pop 4 inches out of their sockets and I make a loud "A-OOGA" noise.
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@TheMichaelRock: Only attractive people that get laid all the time troll people on the internet. Everybody knows that.
@geowizzacist: Me: can I start calling him 3.5 yet? Wife: do you even know his name anymore? Me: yes wife of course I know his name.
@Amazon_Blonde: 911 what is your emergency? Me: "My 6 year old hasn't stopped talking since he got home" 911: "stay calm ma.. Me: MY EARS ARE BLEEDING
@JermHimselfish: There used to be 9 planets, just like there used to be 9 members of Wu-Tang, but then ODB died so they had to kick Pluto out of the group.