@CauseWereGuys: The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' we should call it prosti..... oh wait.
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@dafloydsta: WIFE: You promised not to spend the lottery winnings on something stupid ME: *climbing off my new elephant* He has a name, Karen
@HonestToddler: Tonight's bedtime story was about three pigs struggling with repeat home invasions. Thanks for the new fear.
@markleggett: Reports are now emerging from Russia that Putin rode the meteorite while shirtless, steering it away from a box of kittens.