@CauseWereGuys: The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' we should call it prosti..... oh wait.
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@TheBeerGuy73: Every few weeks I login to Facebook, update my birthday to the current day, and those idiots wish me happy birthday every time.
@jaslakhmna: The new Exorcist movie plot: Family hires the devil to get a priest out of her son!
@buhsbaby_baby: I feel like auto-correct should know by now that I'd never ask anyone to "jazz" all over my face.
@iwearaonesie: [Jurassic Park] kid: What do you call a blind dinosaur? me: What? kid: Do-you-think-he-saurus me *pushes him out of the tree*