@CauseWereGuys: The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' we should call it prosti..... oh wait.
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@brennadine: "NO YOU'RE DRUNK," she says playfully into the mirror, then promptly resumes disappointing her boyfriend's mom at family dinner.
@CraigBanksArt: Dear #Athiests Evolution could never design and create a machine that consumes scraps and produces bacon
@lloydrang: Will I. Am's headstone will read "Will I. Was," completing history's longest set-up to a punchline
@Sean_Burgundy_: Just for once I wanna be able to say "It wasn't my fault" without 4 people breaking down why it was my fault