@robdelaney: The name Corey is short for Coriander. Coreys will try & tell you it's not but they are lying.
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@ka_unplugged: When I see an ugly guy buying condoms, I restore my faith in myself by thinking that he bought them only because balloons weren't available
@LurkAtHomeMom: Fitness tip: It's absolutely crucial to take "rest days" when working out so you don't get hurt. I've recently taken over 300 of them.
@ThaJawn: (Confessional) Me: I played badminton and enjoyed it Priest: That's not a sin Me: I don't understand this religion...
@Ygrene: [wife holding box of mac & cheese] the powder packet is missing, weird [me holding large glass of what looks like orange milk] that is weird