@krissywillbretz: [Spelling bee]
Dad Judge: your word is "arson"
Contestant: can you use it in a sentence?
Dad Judge: You're not arson, you're adopted.
@HomeProbably: The last time I was this drunk and covered in glitter, it had nothing to do with Christmas.
@ghostkrogh: every time i think i've met the perfect girl it's three raccoons in a trench coat who rob me again
@_ElvishPresley_: him: hi, I’m Tom
me: nice to meet you uhh...
my brain: cmon he literally just said his name 3 seconds ago
me: m...mom
@OkieGirl405: Roses are red
Violets are blue
Meet me in bed
To learn something new
Pfff....poetry is easy
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