@NoTheOtherJohn: The name "groundhog" suggests the presence of sea and skyhogs and I am not sure how I feel about that.
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@kcmoore51: I hate when my wife says her friend at work "got flowers again today" and I have to kill that chick's husband.
@naughtywriter2: I have a friend whose thighs don't touch..I was jealous until a breeze came up..It sounded like a turbo fan in wind tunnel. Small favors.
@peteholmes: Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did last night and at the beginning add the word "stop."