@STEELERS1972: The neighborhood is having a meeting tonight about the creepy guy & I'm the only one not invited. Weird.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@truegritrumble: WIFE: Were you harassing that old gypsy woman again? ME: *fighting off a crow* Of course not! WIFE: You lying to me? ME: No. *rains frogs*
@VaguelyFunnyDan: Had no idea why my salad was $175, 'til the waiter explained that they only use Beets by Dre.
@Black__Elvis: Hey baby, is your father a thief because he stole the stars and he put them in your eyes and also my TV is missing.
@MommaUnfiltered: I may not know much about a lot of things, but this fact I'm sure of: A smoke detector battery will never go dead during the day.