@RidiculousSheri: The neighbors with the baby moved out, and now the loudest crying heard throughout the entire apartment complex comes from me.
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@PaperWash: [interview at a clothing store] be cool, don't let them know you're a dog "so what color is this dress?" oh you gotta be kidding me
@Bandersnaaatch: Hell hath no fury like this woman attempting to type "scorned" and having it autocorrected to "scrotum" 13 times in a row.
@ceejoyner: When clowns first attacked these shores nobody took it seriously. It's just one boat, how many could there be, they said.