@Hobo_Splendido: The nephew I'm babysitting has been in a corn maze since Thursday, but I rationalize by thinking he has plenty to eat.
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@FredPollack: Found a bag of weed in my son's bedroom, absolutely horrified! The thing was practically all stems and seeds.
@shutupmikeginn: Internet Explorer: so about last night Me: Oh, i used you for flash. IE: Are we back together, am i your default? Me: don't make this weird
@HallpassCanada: You know you're getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
@FrenulumBreve: *Britney Spears releases a new fragrance* *the other dinner guests look embarrassed and pretend not to notice.*