@kevinseccia: The new $100 bills are insane. A purple stripe, the hologram thingy, the Ben Franklin that says "kill, kill, kill" as his eyes swirl...
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@AnOrangeSNES: [Victora's Secret] Wife: You're the most supportive person I know. *A person made of bras walks by* Me: Um what about that guy?
@Matt_The_1st: I AM NOT REALLY YELLING AT YOU I JUST GOT USED TO TALKING TO MY TEENAGER WHO ALWAYS HAS HEADPHONES IN
@FilthyRichmond: Pregnant women go through a "nesting" phase where they make a tree fort out of twigs and parts of men they've killed.
@lecalabara: I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.