@JennyJohnsonHi5: The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don't want anymore children living on our street.
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@chuuew: The inventor of rock, paper, scissors must have been an extremely dangerous man if he considered paper a weapon.
@alexqarbuckle: Mike Pence getting booed at Hamilton is the worst thing to ever happen to a politician at a play
@NoTheOtherJohn: "Welcome to lazy club. My name i-*doors get kicked in* "THIS IS A ROBBERY! NOBODY MOVE!" [voice from the back] "Nobody was going to."