@JennyJohnsonHi5: The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don't want anymore children living on our street.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@AndyAsAdjective: 7YR OLD: dad, when Bruno Mars sings "so many pretty girls around me & they waking up the rocket," what's he mean? ME: he's a NASA scientist
@knot_eye: Her: I bet you forgot it. Him: I have a photographic memory. [shakes violently] Her: ? Him: Sorry, it's a Polaroid. Is it Becky? Her: NO
@tastefactory: Cop: Save it for the JUDGE! Crook:Ok *crook wraps up last slice of pizza in foil* Lawyer: it's too bad the judge had to miss our pizza party
@SamuelHLowe: - If any person believes that these 2 shouldn't be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or... - THE PRIEST ALREADY SAID THAT! - Ugh, I do.