@meladoodle: The new options on Facebook look like the life cycle of every relationship I've ever had
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@joejwest: ME: [bumps man] MAN: [spills coffee] Say sorry ME: No MAN: Then I'll see you in court ME: [remembers I own a camouflage suit] You won't
@Sarcasticsapien: Someone angrily told me "You're so sarcastic!" That would be like me angrily telling a woman "You're so beautiful!"
@truegritrumble: PRO SURVIVAL TIP: Don't go through that door that mysteriously opened all by itself in that 300 year old hotel with a tragic past.
@amishschool: Fitness guru just tweeted "remember to breathe" and it was pure luck that I got the message in time.