@noog: The news
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@Thynebear: Mom I get nervous on dates & always sweat. "Wear something that doesn't show stains" [5 hours later] How was your date? She hated my poncho.
@Black__Elvis: For years I thought that my wife was repulsed by me but as it turns out she just doesn't put out on the first marriage.
@Home_Halfway: Telling my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage