@savvystrider: The next person to tell me a joke about Indians & call centers is getting beaten to death with my snake charming flute.
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@michel_lesann: I suspect that my cat has plans to kill me, but has just never been awake long enough to carry them out. Advantage: human.
@KyleMcDowell86: I don't like using the locker room at the gym cuz the guys always stare when they notice my gym bag is filled with lasagna
@xLiserx: Me: *Reenacts the steamy handprint scene from Titanic as I gaze at an eclair inside a glass case* Clerk: You're making people uncomfortable.