@TuffyNyC: The next person who calls it an ATM Machine is getting sent to the ICU Unit.
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@abhorrent_wife: Sometimes I have my shit together, sometimes I eat an unidentified white substance out of my hair and am grateful when it's frosting.
@stephenjmolloy: Dude: You got a light? Me: Sure. *hand him a flashlight* Dude: I mean for my cigarette. Me: Yeah, he can use it.
@drinksmcgee: I made my wife sign a prenup because there was no way that I was going to let her take half of my Golden Girls Memorabilia collection.