@TuffyNyC: The next person who calls it an ATM Machine is getting sent to the ICU Unit.
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@enigmaterics: I can confirm that men and women may disagree on when advice is helpful. In related news, it is warm enough to sleep outside.
@Cheeseboy22: Every time my dentist is kind enough to tell me I need to floss, I am kind enough to tell him that he needs to trim his nostril hairs.
@MikeDrucker: If you told Alexander Hamilton that the online lottery to see his rap musical was unavailable due to server overload, he'd be like, "WITCH!"
@BigBagOfScum: Waiter, "Welcome to red lobster, I'm your seafood expert." me- "did you know octopuses have a beak?" W-"no" Me- "who's the expert now?"