@humanwarnings: The next time I hang out with people who start making out in front of me, I'm going to start flossing my teeth in front of them.
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@briancthayer: *buys 8 first class tickets, fills all of them with infants and toddlers* Me, from way back in coach: *cups hands* SUCK IT RICH PEOPLE
@wittwitbarista: My pharmacists won't return my calls anymore *snotty cries* something about no more refills. Quick someone sneeze on me! I'm lonely.
@rickolantern: *buys dog organic, free-range, non-nitrate chicken treats for $7.99, buys self Big Mac