@humanwarnings: The next time I hang out with people who start making out in front of me, I'm going to start flossing my teeth in front of them.
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@iTomFoolery: How soon is it going to be before school spelling tests only requires getting the first three letters correct until google does the rest.
@1par8head: Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
@RadOrDie: I gave my friend a gluestick instead of chapstick last weekend and she's still not talking to me.
@SlabBaconBP: I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I'm biologically driven to want to reproduce with you & I'm temporarily delusional"