@weirdralph: The next time someone says "expect the unexpected," I'm going to punch them in the nose and ask if they expected that.
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@SortaBad: Why are you breaking up with me? "You treat your dog like a baby. It's weird" Shh *puts hands over dog's ears* he's 26 months he understands
@JohnFugelsang: If god didn't like sex, He wouldn't make us scream His name when it's really hot.
@evanrhorne: I quit my job today!! The money from that Nigerian king arrives tomorrow, I'm so excited.
@Brampersandon_: Today's episode of Wheel of Fortune has been cancelled because Jesus took the wheel.