@calluptome: The next time there's an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@grantgirl2004: A large account followed me to thank me for a trophy through DM, then immediately unfollowed me. It must be exhausting to be Twitter elite.
@PaperWash: [driver on opposite side of the road puts head lights on] moth driving: omg moth wife: Harold no we have a baby moth baby: FLOOR IT DAD
@mjkspeaks: The worst thing about life is getting comfortable and then realizing that you don't have the remote.
@badbanana: Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.