@Donna_McCoy: The nice bed in my guest room says "Get comfortable." But the shower stall with no tub in the bath say "Not too comfortable."
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@MarfSalvador: [Funeral] Her: [Through tears] I'm gonna need your support today Him: You got it babe [waves flag and presses air horn] WIFE! WIFE! WIFE!
@1Happytwit: I was highly offended until I realised HR were calling me incompetent and not incontinent.
@stockejock: Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.